Grandparents, memories!

I’m a small town boy, have always been one despite growing up in a city in my late teenage years and spending the rest of my life mostly in cities. And for kids like us, grandparents play a role in shaping us as a person, not as massive as our parents did but they always were there, they would wish you well every day before they got to bed, they would perform religious rituals in your name for your well being and longevity, visit temples and there would be chants for your good, every single time, they would tell you stories, they would cook amazing food for you, they would treat you sweeter than how your parents would. I’m fortunate to have had grandparents like that and even better since they were also small towners, we remained a priority all through their lives.

Today i’m mourning the death of my Muthi (mothers mother), a sudden demise, while I’m in another part of the world from where even getting to her funeral on time is impossible.

My Muthacha (mothers father) was the first, he died when I was 11 years old. He was quite critical and doctors were surprised that he managed to survive that long, he was 56 when he passed away. Well, I didn’t know how to shed tears unless I was physically hurt, I didn’t cry. Muthacha was a great man, an early riser irrespective of the weather, he would then make tea for everyone and he would call its ‘Vettiyal muriyatha Chaya’ (translating to tea which wouldn’t get cut). He was a God fearing man, has been to the Sabarimala shrine about 20 times. He was well respected in the town, even now people address me as his grandson. 20 years after his death, such legacy isn’t easy to cultivate, he was a man who managed to do that. And being the first grandson in the family, I was his favourite, I always got what I wanted. I clearly remember this incident where I managed to test his nerves though, I went hiding under my uncles bed and didn’t get out. Everyone in the house were shouting my name, not knowing where I was and it led to a commotion at the house, which I didn’t realise since I was privy to what was happening outside. And then, after an hour or so, I get up from under the bed, shouting that I managed to trick them all. Remember Muthachas fury back then, he thrashed me for the emotional trauma they endured. But yeah, that was love in its purest form. And yeah, Muthacha named me Rahul.

It was followed by my fathers mother, she passed away in the year 2004, she was bedridden for a while and even during my summer vacation dad would coax me to keep an eye on her and stay home instead of going out to play. And he would be furious when I didn’t don the role of the Man of the house in his absence. But she survived my summer vacation and later in the year she decided to bid us goodbye. I couldn’t attend her funeral since I had moved to Chennai for my higher secondary schooling and I had just gotten back in the morning when this happened, dad was heartbroken, she helped him shape his life, she was a person who remained highly respected in the family, took charge of situations, kept everyone together. She was an amazing cook too, can never forget the snacks she would prepare for my brother and I, him being the rascal he’s, would always end up donating the snacks to our neighbours and I would nudge her to make them again for myself. She would do it with pleasure, nevertheless.

This was followed by my Muthacha (fathers father), he is an ex army man who decided to let go of his career for the betterment of his unruly kids, my father and his brother in particular. He was given a warning by Muthi to choose between his career where he’s away from family or his boys, who could grow up spoiled. He, of course, chose the latter. He has been my least favourite, I always felt he took sides of my cousins and not mine whenever we had fights or arguments, looking back, I realise it was just a kids mutiny. But he was an honest man, someone who would sit with us and tell us stories when we were kids, I remember lighting the lamp every night and watching the stars with him sitting in the courtyard of the house. Those were the days when load shedding was prevalent in most parts of Kerala and we would be devoid of electricity for about half an hour to an hour. My most favourite memories of him is during my 9th and 10th standards, he would wake me up at 5 am every single day. Pappa (my father) was a chainsmoker, Muthacha has done his best to get Pappa quit. A really sweet thing I remember is when Muthacha packed a medication (the packing was so lovely and time consuming for him) which Pappa was to try his hand at, to quit smoking, one of those episodes when we all hoped he would quit but then he couldn’t. Pappa managed to quit smoking after his heart attack which he miraculously survived. Muthacha had to endure the pain, his son in a hospital bed in critical situation, I hope no father goes through that trauma, they don’t deserve it. Muthacha was also quite ill later in his life, he also had an eye condition which led to severe loss of eye sight. Rakesh and I drove to Kerala when this happened, those days when we would drive between Kerala and Chennai like it was just any other drive.

And finally, God decided to call back yet another beautiful soul from our lives, my Muthi (mother’s mother). I’ve spent the longest amount of time with her, growing up. Someone whose world revolved around all of us, if you were low and wanted someone who would be happy hearing your voice, I could just dial her. She would tell me all that was happening, tell me that I should visit her soon, pray that she doesn’t end up bedridden and that God goes easy on her. She had it her way, I’m sure she had wishes which went unfulfilled. But she had it her way. I’ve spent majority of my school vacations in Gudalur, with Muthi and I’m sure she has always looked forward to having my brother and I spend time there. Those delicious food that she would cook for us, those nudges to ensure that we got up from bed, ate on time. Regularly going to temples and taking us to temples, filling us up on family rituals and traditions. She would always handout a few hundred rupees everytime I left after my vacation in Gudalur and she would have be shedding a few drops of tears to see us go and urging us to come back soon to spend time with her. I will miss having her around in Gudalur, calling her up a thousand times before she answers and irritating her, nudging her to step out for a dinner with us. I would miss those delicious mutton pepper masala she would make, the best you can ever get. With my improved culinary skills, this time around when I went back I so wanted to cook something for her, something she would be proud of I hoped. But it would just remain yet another wish, unfulfilled.

I’m 31 right now, I’m lucky to have spent quite a lot of my time with my grandparents. Kids would always have a love-hate relationship with their grandparents, it isn’t easy winning them over and they are persistent most of the time. And, as we progress on our careers, have our own families, travel around the world, we tend to forget that they exist, that they think and pray for you everyday. My life without them won’t be the same, but won’t be very different for most of the times. But there would be times when would really yearn they stayed, they didn’t leave, that I had taken better care of them, that they deserved better from a grandson. But, I very well know, wherever they are, they would pray for us and they would bless us. If you’re reading this, I urge you to pick your phone and talk to your grandparents. Do a video call if necessary, I was trying hard to find some pictures of them with me and it isn’t easy, I was never a photo guy. Tell them you love them, in your own words. Ask them to take care and that you will see them in your next vacation, make an effort. We live in a small world most of the time, but when you lose a loved one while you’re thousands of miles away in one corner of the world, the world wouldn’t feel small anymore. It would feel like a burden, losing people while you’re running your corporate rat race and you no longer can be there when you’re needed the most. Spread happiness by expressing your love for your dear ones, relationships matter.